week 8

keep it up

best of week 7

SO to going on my first run of the summer. ASO to being chased by my neighbors pet pig on that run this morning. Is that supposed to be some sort of sign?

ASO to a knee wound and massive amounts of blood whilst acting out "immigrants crossing the border". Beware of the dangers of charades

SO to the man on craigslist who claims "I love to date large white woman with a pear shaped butt." what is a pearshaped butt?. DOUBLE SO to him saying "i show affection in pubic." hahah oh lord

ASO to the apocalypse; Gas is $4 a gallon, half of the Midwest is underwater or tornado ravished, Colorado and California are on fire, and I can't have a goddamn tomato

SO to going to Dairy Queen and licking penis sculptures out of our soft serve cones. Double SO to a bus load of summer school kids pulling up while we're doing not so decent things with our ice cream penises

SO to sailing & pirates Saturday. Major SO to dressing up like a pirate, attacking other boats, and claiming booty while drinking & having a blast

ASO to accidentally swallowing one of my contact lenses. that was weird

SO to making drinking festive, with things such as case races and mexican nights, just to make our raging alcoholism seem celebratory

SO to Cookie Monster for admitting that he was the "Robert Downey Jr. of cookies" in the 70s and 80s

SO to long nights and awkward mornings! At this rate, I won't be able to ban my kids from doing anything, because I've already done it all. ASO or SO to living by the motto, "an awkward morning beats a boring night?"

ASO to having a super weird feeling hangover. I don't have to throw up and I don't have a headache, but I have NO balance, I have crazy chest pain, swollen eyes from something, blood coming out of my nose at random moments, and snot and vomit on my sheets.
Yeah, I'm a winner."
... I didn't know that Amy Winehouse posted shoutouts

SO to the little boy meticulously looking through his box of animal crackers for the seal because he read on the box, "Do not eat if seal is broken

SO to all the senior citizens living in Towers right now. You're way nicer neighbors than the coasties were, and I'll take your tour buses over their endless cabs any day

ASO to the American Apparel ads using sexually-ambiguous models. You confuse me. And when did Taylor Hanson start modeling clothes

SO to the delivery guy at Jimmy John's for accidently delivering his personal stash of crack with some subs to Meriter hospital

SO to my crackberry, without you I might actually have tried crack

SO to my mother who said she knew some sign language then proceeded to flick the middle finger saying, you know what that means, don't ya? (This is all during a church sermon of course)

Fat chicks hitting on dudes is like cornbread... "Ain't nothin' wrong with that

SO to the guy who posted an ad on Criag's List for free semen

Week 7

Go for it

Best of Week 6

SO to sitting outside a Starbucks with your best friend from back home and deciding that "we just really don't like the penis." Bigger SO to the old man sitting next to us who obviously was not listening to anything through his headphones as the expression on his face when this was said changed from bemused to entirely horrified

ASO to the female poster that keeps arguing with my fiancee. I am sorry that I got drunk and flirted with you, but I have to say that there is no other person in the world for me, besides my fiancee. She is my heart and soul. So to lay this to rest. I only want my fiancee and no body else. Period. I love her with all of my heart. Not even that girl that I work with that won't stop hitting on me has a chance. So if she is reading this too, stop, I want no other woman in my life other than the ONE that I have. She is the only girl that will ever make me happy.
*WHIPCRACK*

SO to graduating a year early, and thus spending the last year in elementary school with AmeriCorps instead. That's right - while the rest of you procrastinated, wrote 40-page papers, and went to class, I was busy reading Clifford and counting to 10. Three-year-plan? Best. Choice. Ever

ASO to the 1st graders I volunteer with for sharing their oral thrush outbreak and having every doctor at Dean Urgent Care tell me I'm the only 22-year old they've ever seen with thrush. Great

"HUGE ASO to Qwest DSL being down in the entire state of Iowa and all but one of the libraries in my area being in mandatory evacuation zones... the library that isn't a hotspot. My computer is totally useless now. Even bigger ASO to not getting internet back til sometime next week at the very earliest."
ASO to you!!! you're like the chick from Heroes who can access the internet with her mind!!! crazy! not having internet but being able to post to an ONLINE BLOG

ASO to the mosquito bite ON MY ASS! trying to nonchalantly scratch that all day at work sucked

ASO to the apocalypse; Gas is $4 a gallon, half of the Midwest is underwater or tornado ravished, Colorado and California are on fire, and I can't have a goddamn tomato

ASO to the old lady who told me she thought we were really experiencing the beginning of the apocalypse because a black man may be elected president. Double ASO to being outside the wonderful liberal bubble that is Madison

ASO to the guy in the apartment behind mine who was standing on his balcony railing during the thunderstorm frantically pumping his fists in the air and screaming "OH YEAH!" then waving to me and my roommate and screaming some more. I don't know what you were on, but it was creepy, dude.

ASO to not being able to read SO's about segway guy because the semester is over--they were too great and a good laugh. anyone have any/know what he's up to these days?
fall semester i'm just going to chill at social sciences with a boombox and follow him around blasting "final countdown" on max volume

SO to blaming my dog for breaking my sister's chia pet. Unfortunately i have no idea what Really happened, due to being black out drunk. I feel this is an acceptable way to manipulate the situation

SO (or aso?) to American Apparel coming to Madison. I expect hipster frenzy (and eventual disowning after it becomes too prevalent, although it's a little late for that), confusion from sconnies, and anger from whoever posted the aso about guys in v necks. If everyone wasn't wearing it already, they will be next year

SO to wanting to send my boyfriend a Happy Father's Day card. ASO to realizing that he probably would not find it funny

huge SO to my summer Stats 301 professor for telling us today that he recently got a marriage proposal via email from a Phillipino royal (a guy) that he met in Washington, D.C. in March because California had legalized Gay Marriage. So to him for then asking us how should he respond

shout out to playing beer pong with someones grandma and having her tell us she wished they had "this game" at the senior center

Week 6

go nuts

Best of Week 5

my computer is being a spaz and won't let me post the best-of on the main page so just check the comments section, i put it under there this week! sorry for any inconvenience (the inconvenience being you have to click an extra button). 

Week 5 Shoutouts

You know the drill

Best O' Week 4

Biggest ASO ever to having your mom walk into the bathroom as she took off her bathrobe exposing her horribly naked body... WHILE I was jacking off with my laptop playing porno on the towel rack.
"There's no hot water so I was washing myself" has never been so desperately uttered.

SO to making the "Best of" list being the highlight of my summer so thus far.

SO to the Mortal Kombat theme song. Every time I hear it, I want to punch an octogenarian in the face really, REALLY hard. And I know I won't feel remorse for it. Why? Because it's time to "test your might!"

SO to the lady from new york asking me which was bigger, Lake Geneva or Lake Michigan, was that a serious question?

HEY KEUCH!
(so controller please post this. this will probably make her life, we share an unhealthy obsession with shoutouts)

ASO to just having to look up 'octogenarian'.

SO to Bucky. I will always remember being dog-tired after a chem lecture but instantly perking up, when I saw you skipping with a pink balloon in hand, high-fiving students as they walked between lecture. You are my favorite pantless mammal.

ASO to the target cashier for cheerfully wishing me a good day. i bought one item, a pregnancy test. Really? REALLY? double ASO to the awkward apologetic glance she gave me after i stared at her in disbelief

SO to LOST. You have impregnated me with the seeds of mystery and doubt, and unfortunately, like any good pregnancy, there's going to be pain, agony, and weird cravings until a new episode airs in 9 months

SO to the song "I kissed a girl"....when it came on 3 girls started making out with each other at the party I was at. Why didn't this song come out sooner!?

SO to my guest lecture at my former high school to a sophomore history class devolving into a Q&A about drinking in Madison. I'm not sure how we went from the Prophet Muhammad to Spotted Cow, but it may be the only time in history they have been part of the same discussion.

Any girl who tries to get their boyfriend to see the Sex and the City movie is getting an Xbox for Valentine's day
you have been warned, female population

"SO to milkshakes. Mine may not bring all the boys to the yard, but it's still better than yours!"
ASO to not telling me where you got your time machine to go three years in the past to post this shoutout

ASO to having some of my old high school teachers come up on facebook's "People You May Know." Inappropriate.

so to shaking off a creeper at the bar by tellng him I couldn't have sex with him because I haven't had my reassignment surgery yet-- then talking about how the hormone injections finally took away my facial hair and gave me an amazing chest. Best. Shutdown. EVER.
so to it being a huge LIE.

SO to my friend who just said: "so i randomly just decided that if i ever am dating a guy and he dumps me because he thinks he might be gay, i'm going to ask him to date at least one more girl after me because if i turn a man gay i swear to god that would be the end of me"
i love our 3 am chats...